Promise
by mentalextacy
Summary: Drabble. Amu's flashback about Utau. Rated T for suicide.


**Promise**.

_Hmm, first fanfic I've published~_

_I like writing deep stuff. Especially in the middle of the night, haha.  
Sorry, if it sounds terrible. I tried. Lol._

EDIT: 18/06  
I'm going to post a extra chapter of what happened, on Utau's point of view soon. (Amu never found out.) ~

I guess I could call this like a.. drabble. Like a flashback.

_May I remind you all, I do not own Shugo Chara. ~_

...

**(Amu's POV)**

I can't say I'm happy.  
I never was, really. Truly happy. So happy I could cry.  
There's been times when I've thought about suicide. Times I've grabbed the blade. Times when I actually tried to commit suicide.  
I've never wanted anyone to have such bad feelings, that they wanted to commit suicide. It's shit, really.

But I've been happy.  
Because I met you. I never thought you'd be that person I'd die for.  
I can't forget the first time we met. It's a simple story, but it's meaningful to me.  
In middle school. 9th grade. In autumn.  
There was a special spot for smokers, like me. It was an alley close to the school, I went there every morning. There were a few other people usually, but I never talked to them. I had anxiety issues.  
But I heard them talking about a new student. Who was coming to that school, that day. Oddly, I was curious.  
After they left, I was alone in the alley. Smoking my cigarette.  
I heard someone walking.  
Suddenly a tall girl with blonde hair and violet eyes came from the corner. That was you.  
We stared at eachother for a long time. I can't forget the first words you said to me, "nice hair". I had light pink hair back then.  
I was confused. No one ever talked to me. I suppose I always had that aura around me, 'please don't talk to me. I hate people.'  
"I like your face", was the first sentence I said to you. Oh the shame I felt. We both were quiet for a while, until you laughed.  
It was like an angel's lullaby, honestly.  
I laughed too. For the first time in a long time.  
You introduced yourself to me, so did I. You were the new student.  
We smoked cigarettes together that morning. We also skipped the first lesson and talked non-stop.  
It was one those days in my life, when I actually smiled. Really smiled.

To think that was already two years ago. It feels like yesterday.  
I still don't know why, what was it about you. When I was with you, everything felt easier. I never had such a close friend.  
I could say that you saved me. You were the reason why I was breathing.

But something happened. It felt like everything was falling apart.  
You had to move away. To your brother, Ikuto.  
We hugged for a long time, before you got in the taxi. "I'll call you everyday. I promise", you said to me.  
"I love you.", I said, in a quiet voice. I guess you didn't hear me.

I guess I could say that you kinda kept your promise.  
We called each other everyday after you moved. We talked just like we always did.  
But I don't know what happened. After 3 months, we stopped talking. Or you did actually.  
I tried to call you everyday, I left you many voicemails.  
You didn't answer or call me back.  
I waited everyday, staring at my phone, waiting to see you calling me.  
I missed your voice so much. I missed you.  
Slowly, the feelings I had before I met you, came back.  
I felt dead inside.  
I was beside my phone every second, every minute, every hour. Everyday.

But you didn't call.

_Why_? You promised.

Two months passed without our calls.  
It was Monday, september 27th.  
I had to call you again. I called you many times. 32 times.  
Ofcourse, you did not answer.  
I was worried. I felt it. Something had happened to you.  
I was crying myself to sleep, in the middle of night.

Suddenly, my phone rang.  
I stopped crying at that second and picked up the phone.  
It was you.  
Finally.

"_Amu_...", you cried.  
I was confused. And relieved that you called me. But then I got more worried, because you were crying. I tried to ask you, what's wrong. You were crying so much that I couldn't hear what you said.  
"_Amu... I'm so... sorr...y..._", you sobbed.  
I was not sure what were you apologizing about.  
But that was when I knew, something wasn't right.  
I knew something bad was going to happen.  
I knew it, because I've been through that.  
I yelled at you, asked you what was wrong, what can I do.. But you disconnected.  
I was in panic. That time I didn't care what the time was, or how far you lived. I was going to come there, to you, no matter what.

I got in the taxi and told your address to the driver. I told him to drive as fast as he could.  
It felt like forever, honestly. I was so worried.  
Then I finally got to your apartment. I ran and knocked on your door.  
I can't forget that night.  
"Open the door! Utau! Please!", I yelled.  
But you didn't open the door.  
That was when I kicked the door open. I never had been here before, but I could hear your cries.  
I ran upstairs. To the bathroom.  
"It's Amu! Open the door!", I pleaded. But you still didn't open.  
I was never so scared in my life.  
I had to kick that door open too.

And then I saw it. Something I never wished to see.  
"No no no no no no no no no...", I mumbled. It felt like I couldn't breathe - that's how terrifying it was.  
It was you.  
Two empty bottles of vodka beside you. The floor was filled in blood, and bloody scissors were laying beside you.  
You were bleeding from your neck, hands, arms, feet.. everywhere.  
I thought it couldn't get any worse. But it did.  
I saw a empty pack of sleepingpills.  
I ran beside you.  
You were just crying, weakly. "Utau.. No... why... I told you.. I didn't want the same..I should've known!", I sobbed.  
You whispered weakly, you couldn't take it anymore.  
"I'm... so... sor..ry...", you mumbled.  
"Amu...what.. ever.. happens.. stay alive. This.. isn't your fault. Don't give.. up.. just because I'm.. gone.. Remember.. to.. live.. promise.. me..", you whispered.  
I couldn't say anything. I was just frozen.  
"Amu.. please..", you pleaded.  
".. I promise", I said to you.  
"I.. always... loved.. y..", you tried mumble, trying to smile.  
Those were your last words.

I was going to call 911, but it was too late. You didn't breathe anymore. You fell asleep. Forever.

I've seen too many people getting taken away from me.  
This hurt the most.  
I'll always blame myself for this. I should've known, that something was wrong.  
If I said that I didn't think about killing myself, I'd lie.  
But you were the one who gave me a reason to live.  
You helped me find happiness.  
I made a promise to you, and I'm going to keep it.

Thank you, Utau.


End file.
